High Fashion Kids. Cute? Maybe just weird? No, cute. No weird!

Kids posing like grown ass models. I'm not talking Supercuts or JCPenney ads, I'm talking like high fashion iish. I think I like it. No I don't it's totally weird. Wait no it's fabulous! But creepy kinda! Blarg, I can't decide. (Photos courtesy of Fashion Screen):
They have all the same facial expressions as regular models, they do the same poses, they're way cooler than everybody else...
...they even have sexual chemistry (can I say those words when I'm talking about kids?)...
I feel awkward. I mean, I love it. Sigh...




Your style is making you sick...

I'm all for style experimentation. Wild make up, bold colors, new structures or shapes...that's what fashion is all about...it's art. Example: some of the couture pieces from Christian Lacroix's Spring 2009 collection (I only posted a few but it really is worth checking out the whole collection, amazing):
Yes, sometimes it's over-the-top, which I'm fine with - I'm not inherently opposed to taking fashion farther than it "should" go, in fact I welcome it.

What I'm not fine with are two distinctly different trends with one thing in common - both of them literally make their fashion victims look sick. Like sickly. Like they should be in a hospital bed with some kind of drip in their arms.

**Let me just specify here that both faux pas apply mostly to light skinned people - not necessarily Caucasian (you Asian girls, lighter skinned Hispanic ones, etc. better listen up too), but anybody with dark skin can pretty much disregard these complaints.**


Big no-no. It's too reminiscent of pink eye, or the flu:
Do you want people to think you've got the swine flu and you've been blowing your nose and wiping your nasty crusty eyes all day?? Didn't think so!! Lay off the red eye makeup, please! It's effing offensive and it makes me feel like I should be wearing a mask.

I'm sorry, I know the idea of it is cute and quirky...but the reality of something so yellow and so tight that it looks like it's your skin...well it makes you look like you have Jaundice (you know, that disease that turns your skin yellow?).
And I'm fine with colored tights/leggings! Just the yellow...the yellow.

So that's what I have to say about that. There's enough in this world that makes us sick - herpes, cooties, gross pigs - I'd appreciate it if you kept your fashion malfunctions away from me...cuz there ain't no immunization for it, and I'm starting to feel queezy.



"Excuse me ma'am, you're skirt is tucked into your granny panties..."

Sometimes things in life are embarrassing.

Today I was walking down the street behind a woman with the back of her skirt tucked into her underwear.
We all know this dilemma...do we show good will toward women and tell her about the unfortunate fashion disaster, or do we mind our business...giggle...and continue on our way? Normally I'd like to think I'd do the former, but now factor in that this woman today was old. Like maybe 75-80 years old. And her undies weren't just undies, but actual granny panties. And though that shouldn't have changed anything...it did...shame on me.

But it lead me to think about all the embarrassing things we go through, those friends who will always tell us when we're victims, those dickheads who don't, and the way we feel when we realize we've spent several hours with spinach in our teeth or a booger sticking out of our nose and nobody said a damn thing!
So here, in no particular order...and for no particular reason...embarrassing things in life - for all people involved:

1) Lipstick on the teeth
I touched on this briefly in my lipstick post several weeks ago. I think the only reason it's embarrassing is because it makes you look a hot effing mess. My immediate thought is like an old Jewish woman who chain smokes and has a deep raspy voice...and calls everybody deahling. Think Joey's agent from Friends:
If you're put together enough to wearing lipstick, it means you're investing in the way you look...so damn - apply, blot and check yo teeth!!

2) Nipple Slip
Tara Reid made this famous - the nipple slip - that revealed her boob job to the world. Perfect for sorority girls and drunky drunks - not so perfect when you're chatting up a cute boy at a bar and only realize after that he wasn't gazing south of your neck because he liked your new shirt.

3) Toilet paper on the shoe
I'm not sure why this one is so embarrassing, but it is. TP on the shoe is like telling the world, "hey world, I just sat on/squatted over a toilet and either did a number 1 or 2, and I'm a human being and have bodily functions". That's gross and way too much info for most people (boys) to handle.

4) Fly Down (or "XYZ")
Remember "XYZ" - eXamine Your Zipper? I'm a fan of it...except when people don't get it...then you've gotta be like (eye roll) "um, your zipper." I've rarely been caught with my fly down - in fact, I'm pretty sure it's mostly a guy thing...lazy em-effers...can't put the seat down and can't be bothered to re-zip their flies.

5) Spinach in teeth/booger in nose etc.
There's something about the face...and things that don't belong there. Things in teeth, coming out the nose, in the corners of eyes, on the side of the face - be it food or shmutz or something your body produces naturally - it's awkward and makes everybody around it feel awkward. We'll never know why - but I always try to say something because seeing later not only makes you resent the person you were with who didn't tell you, but is just plain embarrassing.

That post had no point. Oh, maybe I should have said that before you read it. My bad. Oh wait, yes it did. BE A GOOD SAMARITAN!!! Tell people when any of the above applies to them - though it may be awkward in the moment, you are doing a good deed and you shall be rewarded for it.



Gordon Voidwell @ Pianos 4/25!

It ain't often we advertise events on the blog...but shit, Gordon Voidwell breaks all convention...in every way.
THIS SATURDAY, 4/25. If you live in NYC...or if you'll be visiting...or if you can get here for just one night, GV will be performing at Pianos (158 Ludlow St). Check his MYSPACE for the deets. There are several others on the bill - you can check them out HERE - but GV's name is biggest and he's at the top of the page...that's really all that matters. Dushane and I will be there, and we won't be the only ones. Plan on this joint being packed - and it's supposed to be 79 degrees on Saturday, so girls, break out your sexy skivvy things - and boys...I dunno, shorts?
(PS I finally got a romper, it will probably be making its debut).

And don't forget to holler at your duo! We'll be in the front, probably looking like this:
(people have been asking for pics of us, so there you have it!)

See you there suckaaaaaaas!



Buff Bully Crush: Jillian Michaels

I've been watching The Biggest Loser lately. Not because I like watching fat people lose weight (though that is kind of exhilarating). Not because it's emotional or because I learn things or because I like the suspense of the weigh-in. No, friends. I watch because, well, there's just something about Jillian.

She's mean. She's a super bitch actually. And she makes people sweat and whine so much, and I just wish it were me laying on the ground puking and crying for my mamma. There's nothing like the feeling you have after a horrifically fantastically sweaty workout, sipping your post-workout protein shake, feeling motivated and tired and nauseated and peaceful. I want to feel that every day and I want Jillian to yell at me like that drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket:

I want arms like Jillian, I want abs like Jillian and I want to be a trainer and yell at people like Jillian. She is my buff bully crush and watching her on the biggest loser makes me giddy.
I should also mention here that if you have Netflix, a lot of her workouts are on the instant play thing. They're pretty great and they make me giddy as well.

So since my workouts have hit semi-plateau status (yall who work out regularly know what that's like), I've decided to put my money where my mouth is and invest in my girl Jillian and her super scary gospel. I'm going to buy her book Making the Cut.
It's a 30-day combo workout and meal plan book, and though I probs won't really follow the meal plan (but who knows), I'm definitely looking forward to the fitness plan. I won't go into the details of the content because this isn't really that kind of blog - but if you're interested, my girl Charlotte over at The Great Fitness Experiment reviewed the book last year...click HERE to see what she had to say. (As a side note, Michaels recently came out with a new book called Master Your Metabolism and Charlotte reviewed that one too).

So that's it. If you have experience with this book I'd love to hear about it...or if you just love Jillian. I'll keep you all updated with any kind of progress.

And I'll be watching the Biggest Loser tonight...holler!!



Radiohead + Talk Show Host + Lots of Sun = Summer

I don't know about where you are, but here in NYC today it was sunny and beautiful. And I don't know why, but this weather always reminds me of one thing - Radiohead..."Talk Show Host"...you know the one. I know it from Baz Luhrmann's version of Romeo and Juliet...and if you're a female between 23-28, you probably do too.

It's probably the shot of that sunset in the very first frame...and Leo walking in slow motion right after that...but everytime I hear this song, I feel mellow and easy. Problems melt away because when things are in slow motion and have perfect lighting, everything is right in the world.

And I'm not gonna put all the videos on here, but DAMN that soundtrack was fucking good. HELLOOOO???!!!

"#1 Crush" by Garbage!
"Local God" by Everclear! I mean, Everclear used to be the jam.
"Pretty Piece of Flesh" by One-Inch-Punch! Who the eff is that??!! I dunno but the song is great!
"Whatever" by Butthole Surfers!! Who names their band that??!!
"Kissing You" by Des'ree...the theme of the movie...girls sigh around the world for this song.
"Lovefool" by The Cardigans! This song has had a long life, my spinning teacher played it not too long ago.
"Young Hearts Run Free"! "Everybody's Free"! And the "You and Me Song"! I mean...just to name a few.

Jesus. That shiz is amazing. And just so summer. If you were as obsessed with that movie as I was...or even just obsessed with all things Leo, you probably have the same feelings toward this soundtrack as I do. Radiohead takes the cake though. Listen to it again. Or go to youtube, they have a million live versions of the song too. Ugh! Love it. Ok I have to go outside and walk in slow motion now.



Mom's Wonder Years

I think this video evokes something in almost everybody in my generation...and their parents:

The Wonder Years aired 1988-1993, but was set in 1968-1973 (each season took place 20 years before the year it was actually airing). It was a great show because it appealed to kids and adults. Kids loved it because it dealt with typical teenage issues - school, love, friends - through the eyes of the main character, Kevin. Adults loved it because it was all within the context of the time of their youth - of history - as narrated by Kevin as an adult looking back.
Flashforward to now. The years are wonderful in quite a different way. Example: my mom is on facebook. She's having a fabulous and surreal time catching up with old friends and exchanging memories and stories and photos. She posts photos, she's online friends with my real friends, and she writes on people's walls. When she sent me photos from her wonder years...summer camp 1976/77 (mom was 17)...I was immediately inspired to post about it.
The shorts were short, the bras were nowhere to be found, the denim was tattered, the hair was big. Free love, happy drugs, holding hands, and the top 100 hits on Billboard included "50 Ways to Leave your Lover" by Paul Simon, "Love Hangover" by Diana Ross, "You Should be Dancing" by the Bee Gees, "Love to Love you Baby" by Donna Summer, and "That's the Way I Like it" by KC & the Sunshine Band, among MANY others. Sure there was still drama, sure people still had problems, but look at that bubblegum photo (3rd one)...doesn't it just make life seem great?!

Let's play this game now - this is a photo of me with my girls right before I graduated high school in 2002 (so we were about the same age as my mom) - I'm on the far left:
Comparable? Not quite!! There's something about the photos from the 70's that just look more serene. And more...rebellious? Am I imagining this?? Is it as simple as black and white vs. sepia? Or is there something else going on? Would love to get everybody's take on it.

Anyway, that's enough nostalgia for today. I've had Joe Cocker stuck in my head for the last 2 days so hopefully now that I've posted this it'll go away.



Possessed by the Screaming Guitar

Press play on this:

Now listen to the music while you read/look through this post. This month Anthem Magazine came out with this really rock n roll editorial spread...and though in a way it's totally pretentious and annoying, it made me wanna rock out...hard...and it made me wanna smoke cigarettes and go get more tattoos.

Boy? Girl? It don't matter to this totally androgynous duo - they've got other, way more hardcore anti-establishment shit to pay attention to. They're bad, they're mad, fucked up and down on their luck. The Man has them down, so to get back at the world they scream and wear sunglasses inside, they make out in public and flash flesh and wear fishnet. What recession? What war and genocide and corruption? They're above it all and below it all...and all they want to do is party.

Sometimes you just need some screaming guitar.

Knock over a trash can! Yell at that nasty bald white dude at the gym who takes up too much personal space! Skip class and don't come up with an excuse! Eat dessert THEN dinner! Fuck it! You're rock n roll today! Growl at a stranger! Wear dark make-up! Open the windows and throw a tantrum so all the neighbors can hear! Let the haters hate, you don't care, you've got Van Halen on the brain and you'll deal with the consequences tomorrow.

Rock out.
Rock hard.
Rock on.