Palin...Why you Actin Diagonal?!

Something Snaps and Daps has never done, we're featuring a guest writer. He's coming out with his own political blog soon (we'll keep you updated) and we wanted to get the first peek.

Here we are...Americans, living through a historical time when, for the first time in eight years, there is hope. There is excitement among young and old voters, Democrats, Independents, even a few discouraged Republicans. There could be a President in the White House who, despite all evidence to the contrary, believes that we ARE better than the last eight years and we CAN change. I wouldn't go so far as to say we are struttin' to the victory, but we have a nice confident stroll. Suddenly...


Stuck behind a woman in a nylon track suit with "Alaskan Hockey Moms Rule" stitched on the back. If ever there were a diagonal ass walking person impeding the positive flow of things, it's Sarah Palin.

When the news first broke that McCain had chosen Palin to be his running mate, I shared a collective HUH? with the rest of the America. I've heard of shotgun Vegas weddings planned with closer foresight! Then of course the questions started coming: Who is she? What are her policies? How many unwed preggo teenage daughters does she have? What does a mooseburger taste like? But the more answers we got, I wasn't so much thinking, Huh?, as I was "WHAT THE F@#$!!" But just to be fair I am going to hold off on my review of mooseburgers till I have one myself.

I trust that SND readers are well informed so I don't think I need to totally rehash her exploits. None of her diagonalities, however, compare to the zig zagging she did during that highly acclaimed, "Speech to Nowhere". What I noticed when watching this speech - beyond the depressingly non-diverse crowd (they couldn't pay some brown people to stand around?), Palin's youngest daughter giving her new brother the spit slick back, and Cindy McCain's $300k outfit - was that this speech was a well-spoken, bitter, sarcastic, juvenile, lie-filled Diagonal Extravaganza. It was so shocking and upsetting I literally had nightmares. It was like that scene out of The Witches where all the witches are in that room and they pull off their wigs and masks and they are all freaky scary (great movie, you should see it). In all fairness, Palin is not technically a witch, I just happen to dream of witches when I hear her speak.

In case you live in a bubble and missed it, here is a quick rundown:

* She mocked Obama's history as a community organizer. From where I stand, community organizers are the hard working under-paid under-recognized men and women who keep our country together, and I doubt they took to kindly to a room of wackos laughing at them. Guess thats why McCain canceled his Habitat for Humanity event.

* She touted her amazing history as the Mayor of small town Wasilla, AK. Which is all well and good until you consider she left a once debt free Wasilla 22 million in the hole and the Meth Capital of Alaska. D-I-A-G-O-N-A-L.

* She said that Obama's tax plan will raise the taxes on all Americans and hurt small business. HIEFFER PUH-LEASE. Obama's tax plan will lower taxes on 95% of American's and give them increased tax CREDITS, that means savings, for many families. It will however raise taxes on the richest 1%, I think they'll be fine.

Each one of her arrogant diagonal arguments can be easily rebutted with actual facts. McCain and Palin are on the wrong side of policy, facts, public opinion, history, just a whole gang-a-wrongs

I am all for honest debate on policy and ideas, I don't simply believe Dems have all the answers, but if all Palin can add to the discussion is baseless lies, small minded divisive attacks and corruption, then her diagonal walking ass needs to get out of the way, because we have too much work to do!

By the way, does anyone know where I can get my mitts on a mooseburger in NYC?

There it is, yall...


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