Calling All Headsets!!

The following post is based on no facts whatsoever and some of the terms are made up, but since our insight is generally the correct insight, you might want to use it as a guide to your cellphone ear gear. Presenting: What your cellphone headset says about you...

1) The Bluetooth

You are a Douchebag. Yeah, it's ok if you use a Bluetooth for all your hands-free activities: driving, mountain climbing, carpentry? It's mostly when the activity is over and your Bluetooth is still on that puts you in this category. If you are wearing it as an accessory, like an earring, it's not cute. And if you're wearing it while having non-phone conversations with people standing right in front of you, it's confusing. So please, take it off when you're not using it. Oh, and if you're only using it while talking but you're wearing a muscle t or wife beater, or you have some kind of spikey gelled hair, that makes you a douchebag too, sorry.

2. The Cheek Mic

You are lame. I think this picture sums it up. With the Cheek Mic, you look like a secretary stuck in the...50's? 80's? You're prim and proper, you try to look like you're doing business, but you're probably on the phone with your mom comparing recipes. You might as well put on some bifocals and sit in front of a typewriter. Tap tap tap, ping! Tap tap tap tap, ping!

3. The Hangy Wire Mic
You're big time. Like this photo suggests, you have so many things to do, you can't let one hand go unused. You're a multi-tasker. You're walking home from the gym while returning emails on your blackberry and arguing on a conference call...you're driving to work listening to Fiona Apple with coffee in one hand, coke on the dashboard and the wheel in between your knees...whatever the multi-tasking involves, you're efficient, you're angsty, you're really important.

If you're a straight up phone to ear user, you're probably going to get brain cancer, my dad sends me cautionary emails every 6 months or so. So you should probably get a headset. Take your pick!!


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